Source: https://groups.google.com/d/msg/rec.woodworking/50kD6ihvxjA/Tgc2oP73WaEJ Path: g2news1.google.com!news2.google.com!news3.google.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!local01.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.comcast.com!news.comcast.com.POSTED!not-for-mail NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 17 Jan 2006 20:28:32 -0600 From: Tom Watson Newsgroups: rec.woodworking Subject: Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here - Part Of GoodBye -#6 Date: Tue, 17 Jan 2006 21:28:32 -0500 Message-ID: X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 2.0/32.652 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 149 NNTP-Posting-Host: 69.139.16.9 X-Trace: sv3-yZOEMnqRIhL7nE35Ox3IP5wY/+I1vkPEHIe3/5no/pePF9qyZ31SqkbkNCpVIAqPBdbv+CCi1MYRFuM!qhxE4dzfwJJBJRqeyXxM/UnkSoE1R53jheBrRywBsVYzjke0cvTt/NAOmWfpbAfE8pPqV+aTbQDt!4Af3ojkW4Q== X-Complaints-To: ab...@comcast.net X-DMCA-Complaints-To: dm...@comcast.net X-Abuse-and-DMCA-Info: Please be sure to forward a copy of ALL headers X-Abuse-and-DMCA-Info: Otherwise we will be unable to process your complaint properly X-Postfilter: 1.3.32 Xref: g2news1.google.com rec.woodworking:32598 1. Tom Watson Jun 4 2003, 4:55 pm show options Newsgroups: rec.woodworking From: Tom Watson - Find messages by this author Date: Wed, 04 Jun 2003 18:01:08 -0400 Local: Wed, Jun 4 2003 5:01 pm Subject: Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here Reply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse So many trolls were stalking the wreck. The place was hardly fit for man or beast. "The filters canna take much more of this, Cap'n - there's too many of them"! The tired old desktop had been turned into a weapons platform. New ordinance was loaded in each day but they came in waves. The perimeter wire was strung with enough guts to start a sausage factory. Still the terrible tsunami of scum was upon us; relentless peristaltic spasms, disgorging hideous gasses and inhuman beasties onto our heretofore peaceful shores. The ranks of the Wreckers were decimated. Man upon man driven into the purgatorial realm of Lurkdom. Most of the others hidden behind defensive measures so draconian as to deny both foe and friend. An appeal went out to the Cabal but this was clearly beyond their ken. A KlownHammer was intended to smite human foes - or, at least, humanoid ones. We were bereft. That is when I decided to Killfile myself. Think not this a thought that came to me in madness. Nay, nor in drunken state was I when I heard the beckoning call of duty. Are we not Wreckers? (No, we are Devoaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh! - strike that.) Fear gripped my heart in an icy clench. I am no lover of darkness. I live in the sunlit world of curly shavings and sweet, woodscented air. Yet, I swore to go into that Stygian night with purpose darker than its blackest imaginings. I would be a shadow within a shadow. I would killfile myself and enter into their darkling world and gain that intelligence which must defeat them. My finger paused unsteadily above the killfile button - I gulped what I was feared would be my last breath of God's own air. Eyes closed against my fear - I pressed... It was painless. And, it was very quiet. At first. Then came the moaning. Oh, the moaning and foul mouthings of those nattering beasts! Those mindless, soulless, subsentient trolls raved and expostulated one unto another in a cacophonous chorus of coruscating cacodemonic confusion. It was nasty. And the light. Oh, Lord, let me disremember that lifeless light! All about was lit with not but the vague phosphorescence and hellish flickerings emitted from demonic greenscreen CRT's; ghoulish apparitions hunched, chained to the keyboards, with the rictus smile of idiocy painted on their not-quite-faces. And they were really ugly, too. I was in a world beyond that of even Dante's speculation. Beyond even the beyond. A thirteenth circle. It was a circle so dank and foul as to be beyond the imagining of sane men. "It's full of Trolls." Oh, they were all there! All those that we have consigned to the Killfile are there. The Sick Puppy Lizard was seen committing unspeakable acts with his minions from alt.coprophilia. Cass drank goblets of giblets with The Man In The Doorway. All of them drunk with mindless fury and babbling meaningless oaths into the sickly greenish night. "The Horror! The Horror!" "I won't go on. I must go on." But I will spare you further description and will only counsel you from my position as having seen this torturous tapestry of twits. I have seen the river Styx and saw it traversed by all those we have shunned into its basin. I have seen the TurdBarge cross its widest, darkest point, with gibbering trolls as its only passengers. I have seen Hell itself. We have no greater hell to give them. Leave them alone there in their torment. We have no punishment beyond their incarceration in that Hell Of Trolls. Let them feed on one another until the end of time - or Usenet. I made my way back to the light. I smelled the shavings and saw the light play on my ScarySharpened tools. I never thought I'd make it back. Regards, Tom. Tom Watson - WoodDorker tjwatson1ATcomcastDOTnet (real email) http://home.comcast.net/~tjwatson1/